Heh, you should probably be thanking me more for keeping my grandmother off you support staff's back! Not through anything wrong with your service though.
I have now got it through to her that voice calls and internet access cannot be done simultaneously.
And that the beeping noise when it's connecting is meant to happen (I quote: "it sounds like R2D2 having some kind of fit - is it caused by a virus - it it ill?")
And that she's not going to have to endure lots of p0rn unless she specifically looks for it (email notwithstanding)! I think she had heard every single urban myth about the Internet before she finally got connected.
And that she's unlikely to be hacked, and even if she is it will take me 2 hours max. to rebuild her machine (no Office stuff, just web stuff and some card games on there).