UK Considers New “Backwards Class” for Slow Broadband Communities

The Government is reportedly considering the introduction of a new “Backwards Class” designation for communities that suffer from slow broadband connectivity, which could see related areas benefitting from a string of “cost and efficiency savings” that are designed to improve local life, connectivity and services.

Apparently the new Backwards Class System (BCS), which has been praised by politicians for its innovative thinking, would help the Government’s national Broadband Delivery UK programme by identifying communities that are most in need of further investment.

Related areas would then benefit through the withdrawal of all public and utility services, public transport, as well as voting rights, healthcare and being de-scoped from the Broadband Delivery UK roll-out plan with BT. It’s claimed that this system would result in significant cost savings and would thus encourage locals to find their own solutions.

But critics suggest that the proposed criteria for areas that could be designated under the new BCS is too wide, excludes politicians (no matter where they live) and goes beyond its claimed focus on broadband. All such accusations have been strongly denied by the Government.

Proposed Criteria for Backwards Class Designation

• Communities where fixed broadband is slower than 10Mbps and Satellite is the only option
• Communities with a lot of alcoholics (classified simply as areas with a local pub)
• Communities where watching Youtube videos of cats doing silly things is gobbling up all of the available network capacity, which is now to be classed as devil worship with possible threat to life.
• London City

The new system is due to be introduced from early next year, although some community groups claim that it was unofficially launched a few years ago. Critics similarly complain that the new system will not deliver upon its promised “improvements” because many of the areas likely to be designated under the new criteria would see no change.

Reports suggest that the savings could be reinvested to build a bigger fence around the Channel Tunnel entrance at Calais.

UPDATE: Obviously this is one of our April Fools 😉 .