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New Solution Makes it Super Cheap to Rollout Fibre Optic Broadband – APRIL FOOLS

Monday, April 1st, 2019 (12:01 am) - Score 13,353

A new civil engineering method has been developed called ‘Just Chuck it on the Surface’ (JCoS), which looks set to replace modern approaches by making it both massively faster and cheaper to deploy new Gigabit capable fibre optic broadband networks, with only minimal effort required.

I can’t believe we never thought of doing this before! All these years we’ve just been digging the fibre underground with expensive equipment or laying cable along the tops of telegraph poles, when we could have simply thrown it on the ground with our bare hands instead!,” said Bob Builder, CEO of Fast Access Infrastructure Lan.

The new civil engineering solution, which appears to have borrowed some of its innovations from telecoms operators in a number of “developing countries“, does not require any expensive civil engineering equipment except for something to help splice the cable and hold the fibre drum. Estimates indicate that by using this method it could take as little as 10 minutes to fibre-up an entire street with access to Gigabit speeds.

The solution relies almost entirely on man power to grab the cable, roll it out a bit, break for a cuppa and then splice in a few connections. After that the fibre is simply left on the ground and if any breakages occur then a dedicated team of engineers is quickly dispatched to fix it. Crucially Bob recognises that network outages may become more common with this approach but he has a solution for that too.

As Bob explains, “Obviously the movement of cars, people, animals, weather and plants could present a few challenges to our deployment method but the good thing about JCoS is that you can easily build-in redundancy. Our plan is to simply add more cables so that every home is connected by at least four to ten different and separate optical fibres, secured with duct tape, thus if one breaks then we still have plenty of backups.”

However JCoS has faced some criticism from the government’s currently understaffed Department for Health and Common Sense (DHCS), which is concerned about the sheer number of cables that could end up peppering communities across the UK and obstructing pavements, as well as roads. Luckily Bob has an answer for that too and he suggests, in areas where such a concern exists, that the cables could simply be covered by new soil from local gardens.

The UK government is already understood to be considering several trials. Further details can be found here.





April Fools! Obviously..

Leave a Comment
31 Responses
  1. Avatar Jake Paul Denino says:

    Litty April Fools prank

  2. Avatar Roger_Gooner says:

    April Fools’ day…

  3. Avatar Simon says:

    April Fools !

  4. Avatar ian Cole says:

    April fools

  5. Avatar Craig says:

    Love the Rick rolling.

  6. Avatar Fastman says:

    the scary thing is people think it that easy when its not 1st April

  7. Avatar Bob the professional says:

    You can tell this is April Fool. There is no mention of Duct Tape. Any serious contractor would hold the cables down with some duct tape to stop people tripping over the cable.

    1. Mark Jackson Mark Jackson says:

      You’re quite right, corrected to add the words “secured with duct tape” 🙂 .

  8. Avatar R. Moore says:

    April Fool, lol

  9. Avatar Nick says:

    Lol class

  10. Avatar Joe says:

    Mark don’t give Telcos ideas!

  11. Avatar Wendy says:

    Virgin Media have been using this method for years #oldnews

  12. Avatar Potato Fibre says:

    Fantastic. Love the Rick-Roll at the end!

  13. Avatar Andy says:

    Department for health and Common Sense LOL then it hit me…Nice one!

  14. Avatar craski says:

    Round my way, Openreach has been just chucking copper on the surface for years. My phone cable is buried, it is literally just thrown into the roadside and has been for many years!

    1. Avatar craski says:

      *is not buried*

    2. Avatar Stephen says:

      Yes we have “self burying cables” near Stoneahven. They just lie on the ground at the roadside where there is no ducting or telegraph poles.

    3. Avatar craski says:

      Self burying in parts! I’ve even them left lying on the ground over entrance to fields for months on end leaving the farmers no choice but to drive over them for access pressing them into the ground. It is no surprise we often see the Openreach vans fault finding on the cables due to problems at the houses fed by them. If Openreach took a holistic approach to fixing them properly once rather than patching them up every year they would save themselves a lot of time and effort!

  15. Avatar Brin says:

    save us a lot of money, we have 10 Kms of trenching to do this year lol

  16. Avatar Zak says:

    You joke but in a recent trip to Bangalore for work purposes. I did see an awful lot of fibre strung across the trees overhanging the pavements. The pavements had been dug up for the civil works being done as part of the metro system installation linking the cities tech hubs together.

    1. Mark Jackson Mark Jackson says:

      Funnily enough Zak that was one of my influences for the story above 🙂 , albeit perhaps more influenced by the crazy telecoms and electrical cabling in parts of India and the Philippines. They’re comically crazy and cross-talk must be a nightmare.

  17. Avatar A. Watts says:

    You nearlly caught me on your april fool I wish it was true though,. would’nt that be nice

  18. Avatar chris conder says:

    It is a common sight to see telephone cables running over the fells, in the hedges and left exposed for years until the grass roots grow over them. Nothing new about surface installs with openreach.

  19. Avatar Gedfan says:

    I’d take FTTP through my letterbox if it ever gets to where I live!

    1. Avatar NE555 says:

      > I’d take FTTP through my letterbox if it ever gets to where I live!

      There’s an easier way to get fibre into your house:

    2. Avatar SuperFast Dream says:

      @NE555 I signed up for that service when it came out.

      Unfortunately I had to disconnect it all and return it, I could never get it to work, it turned out to be a right pain in the arse.

  20. Avatar Marty says:

    I almost fell for that. Brilliant

  21. Avatar Brian says:

    They’re missing the obvious openreach method, used with copper, of cable tied to dry stone walls. That can also be used with the ‘just chuck it in the ditch’ method at the sides of roads.

  22. Avatar Dave says:

    Hasn’t mega dirty being doing this recently in Devon

  23. Avatar Rahul says:

    Actually it is not going to be a good or exciting idea anyway. I’d rather have a slower Fibre Optic deployment but a safer one than having cables laying on the floor.

    In India and Bangladesh there have been reports of telephone and fibre cable vandalism (at night time) where gangs either steal the cables or deliberately damage them since many of these cables are left on the ground. The governments don’t have the money to dig the ground and then fix them again. Customers are then left with an internet outage for several hours before they get repaired again.

    Maybe in a more remote rural area this might work where there are few villagers which you can trust. But the risk of having a truck, car, bus, etc crash over the cables is still high even if there is no deliberate malice involved.

  24. Avatar Roger_Gooner says:

    It’s not just India and Bangladesh, metal theft has been taking place in the UK for years. There are cases of parts of motorways without lights due to cable theft. I also recall an occasion a few years ago when, on turning up at Bounds Green Tube station, I found it closed as rails had been stolen overnight.

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