» ISP News » 

Menacing New UK Mast Causes Unwarranted Concern in Town

Thursday, April 1st, 2021 (12:01 am) - Score 3,264
mobile mast red vector uk

A new mast, which is being built by a resident of the semi-rural town of Backwardtit, has triggered complaints from locals, with many being concerned about its impact upon human health, birds (particularly large Eagles) and certain ring wearing residents of a diminutive stature.

The concerns, however unsubstantiated, about the potential impact of the wireless signals on public health are nothing new, but the new tower appears to be causing even more of a stir among the local community than usual.

We walked by the other day, and it’s just menacing! You can clearly see the signal, even before they’ve finished building it, and that’s having an awful impact on the local population, many of whom have developed unsightly skin conditions, terrible teeth and anti-social dietary requirements,” said one particularly short resident of the neighbouring community.

The project, which is the brainchild of a local teacher at the nearby Maia Primary School, is due to be completed by Mairon Melkor in the next few weeks. Under the plan, Mairon expects his mast to boost local connectivity for locals in the otherwise poorly connected community.

Once live, the new tower will enable everybody to seamlessly communicate over long distances and obey my every command. We did have some issues with planning permission, it’s quite big and fairly bright at night, but those were resolved by politely encouraging the planning officers to see our way of thinking. In the end they classed the application more as a lighthouse, and it sailed through,” said Mr Melkor.

However, Melkor warned his plan for improving local connectivity is facing opposition: “The biggest trouble we’ve had is with our power supply, which connects this tower via a hydrothermal station inside the local mountain. A small number of locals keep walking inside and trying to throw small obstructive metal objects into the fuel supply, which contaminates it. We’ve also had a problem with large birds near the entrance.”

Admittedly, we probably should have thought about building more redundancy into the system and not leaving the entrance open for everybody to access, that would have saved a lot of hassle. Perhaps our mistake was to assume that the local population of large spiders, which we’ve recently learnt are inexplicably afraid of light, would discourage such Ne’er-do-wells,” added Melkor.

The mast itself appears to have been affixed with a cross-polarised omni-directional antenna, albeit one that is limited to a lower frequency band, so the connectivity may not be as good as advertised, but it can still exert quite an influence over range.

The local county council is now said to be reviewing the application, which includes a picture of the nearly complete mast. A decision on what to do about the project is due to be taken later today by the leader of the local council, Mr Olórin Grey Istari.




APRIL FOOLS.. Obviously (it helps if you’re familiar with the background of characters from the Lord of the Rings).


Speaking of April Fools, Voneus today claims to have launched the Moodem, a small router which is attached to a cow’s collar and allows the public to log online with speeds of up to 50Mbps. “The device is set to revolutionise broadband capabilities in rural areas, often the site of poor or no internet access leaving lost commuters struggling to access maps on their phone or individuals unable to contact friends and family,” said the provider.

The Moodem, which connects to a small transmitter on a farmhouse or barn, is said to have a range of 1.5km which means those looking to go online can do so safely without having to stand next to cattle. Just to be clear, this is totally an April Fools :). However, it’s worth noting that some IoT devices, using 5G and LORAWAN technology, do in fact exist via a similar setup, albeit for tracking cattle and not acting as Wi-Fi hotspots (cows make for terrible Wi-Fi hotspots).

Share with Twitter
Share with Linkedin
Share with Facebook
Share with Reddit
Share with Pinterest
By Mark Jackson
Mark is a professional technology writer, IT consultant and computer engineer from Dorset (England), he also founded ISPreview in 1999 and enjoys analysing the latest telecoms and broadband developments. Find me on Twitter, , Facebook and Linkedin.
Leave a Comment
19 Responses
  1. JP says:

    Lmao… Someone will use this in anti 5G post at some point for sure.

  2. Concerned Voneus customer says:

    Great for Voneus to be able to take the time to put an April fools out.

    Be better for them to run a reliable network and keep their customers informed via their status website why a large part of their Pembrokeshire (ex Dyfed IT) network has been down for over 8 hours and counting.

    1. André says:

      The two are not mutually exclusive…

      (8 hours downtime? Geez!)

    2. Concerned Voneus customer says:

      Down for 22hrs, Voneus Wales – hardly capable of providing stable internet to those working from home.

  3. Ig Og says:

    Sharon White has to have something to do with this.

  4. Jimmy Saville says:

    Really not tasteful.

    1. ianh says:

      Thank you for that belly laugh 🙂

    2. AD says:

      The only thing you can taste is bitterness

  5. Lister says:

    Tragically it took me until the fifth paragraph to realise something was up 🙂

    1. André says:

      I was SO hoping “Backwardtit” was a real place…

  6. Jamie McGlynn says:

    Nice one Mark!

    If things don’t go to plan in the last paragraph: oh moo!

  7. Buggerlugz says:

    Well, I’d be worried too, “the eye of Sauron” has a far greater range than typical 5G!

    1. Mike says:

      Looks like that 700Mhz investment paid off

  8. A_Builder says:

    Gandalf must be keeping an eye on it surely?

    1. Buggerlugz says:

      Never knew that was his given name, thanks for that Mark! 🙂

  9. Billy Nomates says:

    Looks at calendar.

    Aaah you got me.

  10. Chris Sayers says:

    Some of the reports that have hit this site over the last year could have been posted today and some of us would have been fooled.

Comments are closed.

Comments RSS Feed

Javascript must be enabled to post (most browsers do this automatically)

Privacy Notice: Please note that news comments are anonymous, which means that we do NOT require you to enter any real personal details to post a message. By clicking to submit a post you agree to storing your comment content, display name, IP, email and / or website details in our database, for as long as the post remains live.

Only the submitted name and comment will be displayed in public, while the rest will be kept private (we will never share this outside of ISPreview, regardless of whether the data is real or fake). This comment system uses submitted IP, email and website address data to spot abuse and spammers. All data is transferred via an encrypted (https secure) session.

NOTE 1: Sometimes your comment might not appear immediately due to site cache (this is cleared every few hours) or it may be caught by automated moderation / anti-spam.

NOTE 2: Comments that break our rules, spam, troll or post via known fake IP/proxy servers may be blocked or removed.
Cheapest Superfast ISPs
  • Vodafone £19.50 (*22.50)
    Speed 38Mbps, Unlimited
    Gift: None
  • NOW £20.00 (*32.00)
    Speed 36Mbps, Unlimited
    Gift: None
  • Hyperoptic £20.00 (*25.00)
    Speed 50Mbps, Unlimited
    Gift: Promo Code: BIRTHDAY10
  • Shell Energy £21.99 (*30.99)
    Speed 35Mbps, Unlimited
    Gift: None
  • Plusnet £22.00 (*38.20)
    Speed 36Mbps, Unlimited
    Gift: £60 Reward Card
Large Availability | View All
Cheapest Ultrafast ISPs
  • Gigaclear £24.00 (*49.00)
    Speed: 300Mbps, Unlimited
    Gift: None
  • Vodafone £24.00 (*27.00)
    Speed: 100Mbps, Unlimited
    Gift: None
  • Community Fibre £25.00 (*27.50)
    Speed: 200Mbps, Unlimited
    Gift: None
  • Hyperoptic £25.00 (*35.00)
    Speed: 150Mbps, Unlimited
    Gift: Promo Code: BIRTHDAY10
  • Virgin Media £28.00 (*52.00)
    Speed: 108Mbps, Unlimited
    Gift: None
Large Availability | View All
The Top 20 Category Tags
  1. FTTP (3554)
  2. BT (3021)
  3. Politics (1937)
  4. Building Digital UK (1925)
  5. FTTC (1887)
  6. Openreach (1835)
  7. Business (1690)
  8. Mobile Broadband (1478)
  9. Statistics (1408)
  10. FTTH (1365)
  11. 4G (1276)
  12. Fibre Optic (1172)
  13. Virgin Media (1167)
  14. Wireless Internet (1159)
  15. Ofcom Regulation (1147)
  16. Vodafone (845)
  17. EE (834)
  18. 5G (770)
  19. TalkTalk (769)
  20. Sky Broadband (747)
Helpful ISP Guides and Tips

Copyright © 1999 to Present - ISPreview.co.uk - All Rights Reserved - Terms , Privacy and Cookie Policy , Links , Website Rules , Contact