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UPD Big UK ISPs to Replace Ugly Broadband Street Cabinets with Flowers

Monday, Apr 1st, 2013 (1:03 am) - Score 1,364

Several major ISPs have announced plans to remove all of their street cabinets from roads and pathways across the United Kingdom. The move, which will result in a significant loss of both internet and phone services to millions of people, will see the operators replace each of the cabinets with a complimentary bunch flowers and a message saying “So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish”.

It’s understood that the decision, which is expected to take effect from early next year (once enough new engineers have been trained to pick the flowers), is an attempt to appease the angry minority whom find the cabinets to be either ugly, obstructive, tall, not tall enough, too green, not green enough, too rectangular or a potential a threat to world peace.

An angry person said:

I just can’t believe they put these [cabinets] on our streets! What good do they do? Every morning my wife and I have to make a conscious decision to step ever so slightly around them, it’s a travesty and should be stopped.”

The removal, which has already been widely welcomed by smaller altnet ISPs and the wider flower sales market, is expected to bring some additional benefits. For example, consumers will be less likely to bother Ofcom with their ISP complaints, though they might well complain about not having anything to complain about.

A spokesperson for a major telecoms operator said:

We’ve listened to people’s concerns and decided that the best course of action is to remove our street cabinets altogether, so that they will no longer cause any obstruction or annoyance to pedestrians, home owners and road users.”

Meanwhile any of the leftover copper cable is expected to be sold as scrap, which should raise enough money to build out a new fibre optic network in areas where the obvious benefits of having access to a good phone service and faster internet connectivity are still understood.

Royal Mail has also pledged to help keep the lines of communication open through snail mail, although anybody in need of the emergency services, and residing outside of mobile phone coverage, will need to first post their request for an ambulance, police or fire service before one is dispatched (usually within 3 days of the request).

Sources suggest that some operators will now re-focus their businesses towards more profitable ventures, such as the mass production of horse based beef ready-meals and cakes, all of which are to be produced at the same factory and made from similar ingredients.

Electricity producers are also understood to be considering a similar move, which could help to slash household bills.

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UPDATE 2nd April 2013

April Fools.. obviously :).

By Mark Jackson
Mark is a professional technology writer, IT consultant and computer engineer from Dorset (England), he also founded ISPreview in 1999 and enjoys analysing the latest telecoms and broadband developments. Find me on X (Twitter), Mastodon, Facebook and .
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